52. My First Mother’s Day
Guess what - WE HAVE BEEN MATCHED!!!!!
A few weeks ago I wrote a post called “What it’s like an as intentional adoptive parent.” I wrote about the insecurities I’ve felt over the years choosing adoption as my intentional route to build a family. While I have always been sure of this as my path, I’ve always felt like people would think of me as “less of a mom,” because I hadn’t given birth to my kids. Or maybe I thought I would feel like less of a mom.
But something incredible has happened since we’ve been matched. A few things, really. One: I absolutely, one hundred thousand percent feel like a mom. Since we’ve been matched with our daughters, I’ve put their pictures as the background on my phone, I’ve worked on setting up their bedroom, I’ve Zoomed and emailed with their wonderful foster mom, I’ve contacted the school and researched pediatricians and therapists, I’ve sorted hand-me-downs, I’ve bought little things for them when out at the store, I’ve talked about them with pride to family and friends, I’ve proudly showed off their pictures to family and friends, I’ve felt so extremely protective over them and so proud of the little people they are (and I haven’t even met them yet). I love every little thing about them. They are my children, fully and completely. I absolutely feel like their mother. It is the craziest and most unexpected feeling, but there’s not a single question whatsoever that these are my kids. They don’t yet know how much I love them, and I don’t expect them to feel any certain way towards me or call me Mom until they’re ready. But they are my kids and I’m their mom.
The second thing is, I’ve been amazed by how much the people around me do treat me like a mom already. The amount of people who told me “Happy Mother’s Day” yesterday even though I don’t even have my kids yet? Amazing. The excitement that has been expressed towards me by so many people, even though they haven’t met our kids yet? Incredible. If anyone makes ignorant comments (which I’m sure will happen), I truly don’t care, because I am surrounded by so much love and support. If anyone thinks of me as less of a mom (which maybe no one did in the first place, and it was just my insecurity coming up), it doesn’t matter, because I know who I am.
I am officially a mom to two beautiful little girls. I can not wait for the snuggles, the little moments, the funny things they’ll say and do. I can’t wait to see their hearts and the things they care about. I can’t wait to see the world through their perspectives. I can’t wait to see them take everything in, learn, and ask questions. I can’t wait to see them make friends and play with their cousins. I can’t wait to read them books, color with them, jump on the trampoline, play in the pool with them. I can’t wait to teach them how to cook and bake, how to grocery shop, how to volunteer their time and money, how to express their feelings and handle big emotions. I can’t wait to learn their personalities. I can’t wait to walk with them though all of life’s difficulties and tell them how proud I am of them. I can’t wait to do my best to help them feel safe and loved, no matter what. I just want to enjoy every small moment I can with them.
On Mother’s Day yesterday, I felt so excited and proud of my little girls. I felt so proud to be their mom. It was so hard not getting to be with them for Mother’s Day, but I could not believe how many people thought of me and wished me a Happy Mother’s Day even though I didn’t have kids with me. It was truly amazing. I have such wonderful people in my life, and they are going to love my kids so well.
