40. Introduction to Anxiety
When I chose not to go forward with a counseling job and focus on my writing and moving our adoption process along, I was excited. And skeptical. And nervous. Very nervous. I’m pretty extroverted. I get a lot of energy from being around people. And focusing on my writing and on our massive checklists for adoption didn’t really promise to fulfill that need.
To attempt to fulfill this need, I decided to approach the person at my church who oversees pastoral care and ask if there was anything I could do to help out. I fully expected to be given a list of people in the hospital to visit, or homebound members to check in with. But she had another idea. She said that she had been wanting to offer support groups for things people struggled with, but had been having a hard time finding someone to lead them. Given my counselor training and experience leading small groups, she thought I would be a good fit.
She couldn’t have been more right. I couldn’t have been more excited and grateful for the opportunity. So we brainstormed ideas and decided to start by offering an educational and support group for people who struggled with anxiety. After all, who doesn’t struggle with anxiety on some level these days? And even if you don’t personally struggle with it, you can’t throw a stone in any direction without hitting someone who does.
I was very excited for this opportunity, but as I started to plan the content for our groups, I became a bit overwhelmed. Trying to create simple, widely applicable content for a topic that is so complex and dynamic and presents itself in so many different ways, was challenging. I realized that, when I would work one-on-one with a client who struggled with anxiety, we would simply start with whatever the client wanted to start with and work our way from there. But a group of 10-12 people, bringing 10-12 different stories and perspectives and personalities, was quite a different experience.
But also, this was exactly what I’d been dreaming of doing. When I worked one-on-one with clients, I was often so inspired by their stories and resilience. We would have such amazing conversations and come to such great insights. I’d have this longing to share this stuff with more people, but I just did not have the mental energy at the end of the day to create anything to share.
So, what is anxiety? This was the question I attempted to answer as I prepared to start teaching material to a support group. But then, I realized that I barely could answer this question for myself, much less create an eloquent answer for a group of people.
Anxiety is such a complex, dynamic, impossible to define topic. It presents so differently in different people. We struggle with it for so many different reasons. There are so many different ways to cope.
Some people say they’ve struggled with anxiety for about as long as they can remember. From the time they were a child, they’ve almost always felt on edge in one way or another. They have a chronic sense that something bad is about to happen. They might feel overly responsible for things that are simply not theirs to be responsible for. They might struggle with chronic exhaustion, irritability, zoning out, avoiding responsibility, people-pleasing, over-functioning, overthinking and overanalyzing. This might be such a “normal,” constant part of their lives that they literally barely even notice it anymore.
Some people might say they never considered themselves “anxious” until a stressful event happened. For some, it starts when an anticipated major life change happens, like a move or starting a family or retiring. For some, it starts when something major happens that’s out of their control, whether it’s a personal experience of a health issue, death of a loved one, or a traumatic accident; or a major societal crisis like a global pandemic or ever-present news reports of war and gun violence. It can also come in the form of post traumatic stress if you experience violence, death, or exposure to chronic stress as part of your job, or if you become a survivor of a violent crime.
When I was first learning about anxiety, just reading all of this would have given me major anxiety. I would have thought, “Well, I’m screwed. It sounds like literally anything can give me anxiety.” This is true, but it’s also not true. Whether or not a person is likely to develop long-lasting anxiety from a stressful event depends on a number of factors, including their feeling of self-efficacy (their perception of their ability to handle the challenge), their sense of being supported by others, their sense of enjoyment and satisfaction from life, and their willingness to process the stress and seek out help. The simple feeling of being out of control and vulnerable can be a huge contributor to feeling anxious, so realizing that you are not a helpless victim can often be a first step in helping you take back your power.
Obviously, life involves challenges, both anticipated and not. And obviously, we can’t protect ourselves against every possible thing that can go wrong. We can do our best to prevent some things, and we can set ourselves up for successful coping with others. And sometimes, we simply have to survive through the stressful times. Even the best of planning and the most effective use of coping skills can’t completely take away all anxieties, but it can help reduce its level of overwhelming and shorten its duration.
With the next few posts, I am going to share some of the content we’ve been working on in our anxiety support group, as well as some general tidbits on anxiety from my experience with clients. I hope you find it helpful and enjoy!
