37. Adoption FAQs
As you may know, Ryan and I are in the adoption process. We really appreciate when people show interest and ask questions about the process…but it does get tiring repeating the same things over and over. Here are answers to the questions you probably have.
· Why are you adopting? Since before we were married, we’ve known this was how we wanted to build our family. We’ve never planned to have biological kids. This has always been the path of our choosing. It’s not because of any noble or heroic reason. It just is what it is.
· Will you get an infant? Maybe, but we’re guessing not. Our profile that is being shown to prospective families says we are open to 2 kids, ages 0-8. So, there could be an infant in that mix, but it’s not a guarantee. We looked into infant adoption, but decided it wasn’t for us. It seemed like a riskier path than we wanted to take because biological moms have 72 hours to sign over their parental rights after giving birth. We’ve heard many stories of infant adoptions falling through when birth mom changed her mind. We didn’t want to go through that.
· So you’ll get 2 kids at once? Yep! They will most likely be siblings. We’re open to adopting another kid or sibling group down the road if we want to grow our family even more.
· Are you open to any race or gender? Yes, we are. If our kids are not white, we’ll do everything we can to educate ourselves about their cultural background and preserve the things that are important to them. Even if they are white, we’ll still make sure their books, toys, and experiences represent diversity of skin colors and cultures. Part of why we wanted to move to Gahanna is because of the diversity of the community.
· Are you doing an open or closed adoption? We will do whatever is in the best interests of our kids. If it’s safe and healthy for them to continue having a relationship with their biological family, we’re completely willing to keep that part of their life. They also may have other important non-family members, like neighbors, friends, foster parents, etc. who will be good for them to keep in touch with. That relationship might look like visiting in person if they’re close enough, phone calls, FaceTimes, texts, or visiting once or twice a year if they’re farther away.
· Where will the kids come from? They could come from anywhere in the United States. Our agency says they most commonly work with agencies in Cuyahoga County and certain counties in Alabama and Georgia. But they could come from anywhere.
· What agency are you using and how does the process work? We are using Open Arms Adoptions. They are one of two agencies in Ohio that does “state waiting,” which means that our kids will come to us from foster care and their biological parents no longer have any rights to them. We officially kicked off the process last September, when we went to a 36-hour, state-required training about child development, trauma-informed parenting, managing difficult behaviors, and more. At this training, we met some awesome families also going through this process that we plan to keep in touch with as we all build families. After the training, we kicked off the application process, which included info about ourselves and our backgrounds, values, lifestyle, and lots of reference letters. From there, we had lots and lots more paperwork and to-dos, including background checks, CPR and first aid training, medical evaluations, vaccinations, financial info, and so much more. Then, we went through the assessment and home study process with our case worker, where we were given a list of things we had to update in our home to make sure it was up to safety standards. We were officially approved on March 14, and now we’re in the match process.
· How soon do you expect a match/how does the match process work? Once we are officially approved, our case worker will start submitting our info to families that meet the criteria we’re open to. The kids’ case workers will pick 3-5 top contenders from the profiles submitted. If we are one of the top contenders, we’ll be notified and told a little basic info about the kids, and then we will tell them if we’re interested in moving forward as a contender. If we are picked as the #1 choice, we’ll be given as much info about the kids as they can give us. From there, we have to commit or say no. We will not meet the kids before committing. We will be informed as much as we can about them, but, as our agency says, “Kids don’t audition for families.” Once we commit, we’ll get to meet them via Zoom. From there, we’ll likely meet them in person within a few weeks to a month. When it’s time to bring them home, we’ll go to where they live and plan to spend at least a week gradually getting to know them and gradually spending more time together, so it can be a little less of a huge, shocking transition for them. But as far as timeline, we have no idea. Could be a month, could be a year.
· Will you know why the kids’ biological parents’ rights were terminated? We’ll know everything the agency can tell us. But we’re going to keep that information private, because it’s the kids’ story and not ours to share. We just want people to think of our kids and treat them like normal kids. We will parent in a way that meets their specific needs as they get adjusted to us and build their trust with us, but we don’t want anyone afraid to be themselves or treat them like anything but regular kids. Because they ARE regular kids. They’ll have been through traumas, but they’re still regular kids. Please don’t treat them or think of them like they’re not.
· What will it be like after the kids come home? We will plan on spending a lot of time together at home and outside, getting to know each other, settling in, and building trust. Our #1 priority for the first year (or as long as necessary) will be building trust. It won’t be like having a baby and inviting everyone over to meet them…we will be very gradual and intentional about the process of introducing them to family and friends. Remember that our kids will have lost everything familiar to them. They will meet everyone eventually, but we aren’t going to force them to be surrounded by streams of unfamiliar people when they’ve just been transplanted into a home with two strangers. We will, however, show them pictures of our loved ones and tell them about you while settling in, so they can feel like they already know you a little bit when they meet you.
· When will the adoption be official? We don’t know. It depends on a lot of factors. But we do know that we will respect whatever comfort level our kids have when it comes to their sense of family with us. We won’t force them to call us Mom or Dad until they’re ready. We’ll allow them to talk about missing their biological family as much as they need to. Just because they’re our kids now, doesn’t erase the love and memories they had with their original family, or with foster families. We will always do our best to respect them and their stories.
