55. The Myth of Self-Denial
I know no one can relate to this. No one at all. But I’m going to share with you something that happens to me almost daily.
I scroll through social media, and I see something that I just profoundly disagree with.
Again, I know that you can’t possibly understand what this is like. I know you’ve never experienced this, ever. But I’m going to talk about it anyway.
Here's what I saw yesterday:
World: Follow your heart
Jesus: Follow me
World: Believe in yourself
Jesus: Believe in me
World: Discover yourself
Jesus: Deny yourself
World: Be true to you
Jesus: Be true to me
Oof. Where to begin?
If we look at each of the “world” snippets and the “Jesus” snippets individually, here’s what they say:
World: “Follow your heart. Believe in yourself. Discover yourself. Be true to you.”
Jesus: “Follow me. Believe in me. Deny yourself. Be true to me.”
The “world” quotes are what you might hear from any therapist. The “Jesus” quotes are what you might hear from a narcissistic, emotionally abusive partner. This isn’t okay. And this has led to such damaging beliefs about Jesus, God, ourselves, and the world.
I think Jesus has to be one of the most misquoted, misinterpreted people in history. To my understanding, Jesus was a person who advocated for justice and fairness for the marginalized. Jesus spoke out against oppressive government and societal systems. Jesus fed the poor, healed the sick, forgave people who society at the time deemed unforgivable. Jesus posed a threat to the government system of the day. People were resonating with Jesus’s message, and the government worried that people would turn against them in favor of what Jesus advocated for. Jesus was crucified by the government as an example of what would happen if you tried to rebel. Jesus did not die for you and me and our sins, so that we could someday live in Heaven. The more I learn and think about this on my own, the more I believe this.
So, why did Jesus say “Follow me,” “Believe in me,” “Deny yourself,” and “be true to me?” First, I am not even sure Jesus actually said those things. I know the Bible quotes Jesus as saying “Follow me” and “Deny yourself,” but I am not sure he is quoted as saying “Believe in me” or “be true to me.” I suppose John 3:16 could be used as an argument that Jesus said “believe in me" (“For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him will not perish but have eternal life”). However, it is so important to know that Jesus did not speak English, that the Bible text we read today is the summation of people’s recollections of what Jesus said, and it has been translated into many, many languages with words and meanings being shifted in translation. So, I think any time we try to quote Jesus, verbatim, we do ourselves a disservice by looking only at the literal and missing the big picture meaning of what Jesus stood for.
If we are looking at Jesus quotes though, there is also one from John 10:10: “I have come that you may have life, and have it to the fullest.” Take this next to what the “world” says for us to do: “Follow your heart. Believe in yourself. Discover yourself. Be true to yourself.” Does this not sound like living to the fullest?
Sometimes, Christian churches can preach so much about how humans are bad and sinful, about how we shouldn’t trust our own judgment and instead listen for Jesus’s voice, about how we should deny and sacrifice our own needs in favor of living out the Gospel. However. Here’s why this is a problem. You and I are human beings. We have needs. We were created with needs. Depriving ourselves of needs is not admirable. When we deprive ourselves (deny ourselves), we live less fully than we could. If we deny ourselves the opportunity to rest and take care of ourselves in favor of helping someone else, we are not being the best help for that person that we could be. And we are certainly not living our own lives as fully as we could.
Here’s the other thing: God created you. God loves you. Why on earth would God want you to make yourself miserable? If God is a loving parent, why would God tell you to sacrifice yourself and not take care of yourself? A parent is there for their kids and their needs. A parent is always there to catch them when they fall. A parent is there to build them up, make sure they know how loved and worthy they are, let them know they believe in them. A parent guides their kids and teaches them, but as they get older they should let go more and trust that they have raised their kid to be self-sufficient and make their own decisions. Why on earth do we think God would not do these things for us? Why do we think God wants us to only sacrifice ourselves, deny our needs, constantly look outside of themselves to God and the Bible for guidance? This isn’t good parenting. This is parenting that leads to either rebellious or people-pleasing children with no boundaries and no confidence in themselves and their decisions. This does not help us or anyone else.
What about “follow your heart” vs. “follow me”? You guys. Jesus lived 2,000+ years ago. How the eff are we supposed to literally follow Jesus in 2022? Do you know how confused this leads people to be? How it leads people to spend hours and days and weeks praying about what to do, when their deepest of hearts has known the answer all along? Who do we think created us and our hearts?? Who do we think gives us those longings of our hearts?? Who do we think prompts us to make those decisions when we “just have a feeling”? I fully on fully on fully believe that God speaks to me the most when I am attuned to myself and my heart. This is when I am connected to my most authentic self. And my most authentic self is who God created me to be. So of course this is where I sense God’s presence the most. I don’t need to frantically seek out some external guidance from a Jesus figure in the Bible. No, God’s spirit has been with me in my heart all along. And that is my best resource for making decisions.
I can’t talk about this enough. I have seen such confusion among people who were raised in the church, people who know the longings of their heart and know what they feel they want, but the external voices in their head are always leading them to doubt their own wisdom. Guys, God doesn’t make us stupid. God doesn’t make us blind and helpless. God actually makes us very smart and very capable. It’s just all of the influences that we face every day and the mixed messages we get from our families and churches and other authorities in our lives that confuse us. I guarantee that if you can attune to your authentic, beautifully created self, you will find that peace that surpasses understanding. That is who you were made to be, and that is where you will feel at home. I can not and will not stop talking about these damaging messages we have been taught by churches, because it’s so important that we become aware and free.
It’s okay to trust yourself. It’s okay to follow your heart. You know more than you have been taught to believe you do. Find people who lift that part of you up. Set boundaries with those who don’t. You deserve it. We all do.
