44. Anxiety vs. Depression

We had a really good discussion about this in the anxiety support group I’ve been leading at church. What is the difference between anxiety and depression? Are there similarities/overlap? is it always obvious which is which? Is there a greater stigma around one than the other?

Basically, the group consensus was that anxiety tends to be more socially accepted than depression. Because we all can relate to it on some level, can’t we? We all know what it’s like to be nervous about something coming up, or to feel awkward in an uncomfortable situation, or to be worried about things out of our control. It’s a bit easier to minimize how crippling anxiety can be or how much of a struggle it is, because everyone feels like they understand what anxiety feels like to some degree. Of course, this can prevent people from realizing just how significant their struggles are and not seek out help that they could benefit from. But in general, we agreed, people are more willing to admit when they’re anxious than when they’re depressed.

Depression, the group discussed, seems to have this stigma attached to it that automatically links depression to suicidal ideation, staying in bed all day, crying all the time. We assume that people with anxiety continue to function and be productive, while people with depression are just lifeless blobs. It can look like that on some level, and I don’t want to minimize it at all if you or your loved one has experienced depression in that way. But I would like to explain a little more about what depression can look like aside from the stereotypes, so you can understand if it may be something you struggle with.

I don’t necessarily think it’s of “make or break” importance to identify which you struggle with. If you see a counselor, they can help you with all of it. And probably can help you identify what’s going on if you’re not sure. But for understanding yourself, I think it can just be helpful to know what the signs are and to give yourself language for expressing what’s going on.

While anxiety often presents itself as over-functioning and always going, depression manifests more often as a feeling of hopelessness, lack of energy, and loss of motivation. You can feel stuck, trapped, unable to find enjoyment in things you once loved. Both can involve difficulty concentrating, but anxiety is more often due to feeling keyed up, on edge, distracted; while depression may feel more like you simply getting pulled back into your own head instead of being able to be present to what’s in front of you. Anxiety is kind of a hyper-focusing on the external and trying to control it, while depression is being stuck in the internal and feeling of hopelessness.

Anxious thoughts often look like the mind racing, imagining worst-case scenarios and being stuck in hypotheticals. The thoughts tend to propel action and restlessness. With anxious thoughts, it can be helpful to follow the “what if” train for awhile: “What if I take this job and I don’t like it?” “Well, then I can try to wait it out for a few weeks and see if it gets better.” “What if it still doesn’t get better?” “Well, then I can make a list of ways I can either make it better for myself or some other options I can try.” By allowing your thoughts to unfold instead of suppressing them, you can help put your mind at ease by realizing that you do have a plan and not everything is completely out of your control, or that even if the worst does happen you can get through it.

Depressed thoughts can also look like worst-case scenarios and being stuck in hypotheticals, but will more likely lead to giving up and ruminating rather than springing to action. With depressed thoughts, it may be better to stop and redirect the thought instead of following its train. For example, “What if I take this job and don’t like it?” “Then I’m just a complete loser. I can’t get anything right. I’ll never figure it out and there’s no hope for the future.” Obviously, this kind of thinking is both not true and not helpful. This is where you would do better to stop the thought from taking hold, redirect (possibly by doing something physical to help change the energy in your body), and come at it from a more energized place later (“Even if this job doesn’t work out, I am resilient. I will be okay. I have been through challenges before and I can learn something from the experience.”). A person experiencing depression may still look very “normal” and like they’re going through life just fine, but they’re battling an internal sense of hopelessness, exhaustion, and feeling stuck.

Some other common indicators of depression can be a lack of motivation, significant weight gain or weight loss in a short period of time, not eating or eating too much, and simply feeling sad and/or tearful a lot.

Depression is not fun. It really, really sucks. I would say I generally do not struggle with depression as much as I do with anxiety, because I am definitely the type of jump into over-functioning rather than losing motivation. But when I’ve experienced small depressive episodes, they’ve been during times when I’ve just been trying as hard as I possibly could and felt like I was getting nowhere. Or when I’ve been going through a difficult season that was simply difficult, no shortcuts available, and it was highly overwhelming for me not to be able to just fix it. For example, when I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my career after I left my first job in youth ministry after college. I was extremely burned out, and it had honestly been a very toxic workplace. For three months after I left, I truly was so exhausted I just didn’t have energy to do anything or decide what I wanted to do next. And that was okay. I actually didn’t mind having that time off, for the most part. My anxiety wanted to propel me to action at times, but deep in my soul I knew I needed this time of rest. But once those three months were up and I started feeling ready to do something, I felt so overwhelmed at all of the possibilities. I had many ideas, but I didn’t know how to possibly choose the “right” one. Long story short, this journey of getting to know myself and trust my judgment was a journey I was going to have to take, and it wasn’t one that I could skip to the end. I had to walk the path, and the path really sucked at times. I couldn’t just fix it, just figure it out. And I got depressed several times along the way because I just felt so stuck and hopeless and alone.

You could struggle with one or the other, or you could struggle with both at the same time, or you could go back and forth. Many techniques for coping with anxiety can also be helpful for coping with depression, as well as the ways to systemically set up your life so that your mental health can be better. We’ll continue to discuss all of it over the coming series!