49. Anxiety and the Body
I’m so excited to start getting into the relationship between anxiety and the body. In our culture that places such value on productivity and achievement, that brags about how early we get up and accomplish before the sun rises, where “pushing through” and “toughing it out” are things to be admired, when we try to keep pushing on with our normal routines even when we’re sick, we become VERY disconnected from our bodies and their needs.
Our bodies are so wise. If we listen to them, they can tell us exactly what we need. In return, we have to nurture them. We have to take care of them. We have to respect and love them. If we don’t, our bodies will become exhausted. They’ll run on overtime all the time and eventually run out of resources. We’ll struggle with chronic fatigue, chronic pain, migraines, autoimmune issues, heart issues, digestive issues, even be more susceptible to certain cancers.
Our bodies quite literally keep us alive. Obviously, our brains and lungs and hearts and kidneys are essential for our survival. Meanwhile, our nervous systems keep us alive by controlling our fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses when we are exposed to stress.
Ideally, these nervous system responses should be activated only for temporary periods of time during specific stressful situations; for example, when taking a test, giving an important presentation, having a difficult conversation, or when someone swerves into your lane on the freeway. And, of course, the nervous system will activate these stress responses in higher-level danger situations that pose a genuine threat to your safety. When the nervous system activates fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses, the body only provides resources to the parts necessary for survival. This is why your heart pounds, your palms sweat, your vision becomes clearer, your muscles tense - you are physically prepared to fight, flee, or dissociate from the situation if you need to. We’ve all experienced gastrointestinal distress or lack of appetite or even a dry mouth and difficulty swallowing before a big stressful event - this is because the body is busy providing resources to parts that need it, and in case you have to run for your life the body doesn’t want to be weighed down by unnecessary food in the stomach. Your immune system doesn’t need to worry about fighting off disease during genuine threats to your safety. Your kidneys don’t need to worry about filtering toxins. Your body’s primary concern is what’s happening right in front of you, not about preparing for the longer term.
But when you struggle with being chronically anxious, your nervous system doesn’t simply see a threat, deal with it, and then relax again. Instead, the nervous system is on ready alert almost all the time. Meanwhile, our bodies suffer because there’s a lack of balance in resources to all of the areas. Over time, if your nervous system is chronically activated, you’re likely to struggle with many issues mentioned above.
What does it look like for our nervous systems and fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses to be activated in everyday life? Here are some examples (source: Instagram: @the.holistic.psychologist):
Fight:
Becoming easily upset, irritable, or lashing out
Insulting, mocking, or shaming others
Needing to have your own way/ignoring others’ perspectives
Yelling, slamming doors, becoming aggressive
Being reactive (can confuse people with “big emotions”/mood swings)
Feel like you’re being threatened and need to self-protect
Often feel shameful/remorseful after outburst
Flight:
Chronic rushing/always going
Feeling uncomfortable when still
Energy spent micromanaging situations/people
History of abruptly ending relationships/quitting jobs/fearing commitment
Feeling trapped easily
Making plans to avoid any downtime/throwing self into working and achieving
May experience panic attacks (which happen when the body has been pushed to its limit and alerts you of the need to pause)
Freeze:
Feeling numb to life
Shutdown, avoidance
Hiding out from the world
Procrastination/difficulty making small decisions
Endless social media scrolling/binge watching/fog eating/otherwise zoning out
Confusion over what’s real/unable to remember things others seem to remember
May be perceived as depression
Fawn:
People pleasing
Going along with another’s values, wishes, perspective, without considering your own
Spacing out
Letting others make decisions
Avoiding conflict
Afraid to say no
Overly polite and agreeable
Hyper aware of others’ needs while betraying your own
It’s important to know that you may embody different types of responses in different situations and/or with different people. Rarely does someone exhibit only one nervous system response in every situation.
Where do you recognize yourself on this list? I hope this can help bring awareness and understanding to those little things you do that you simply can’t understand why you do them. I had a client who admitted to intentionally picking fights with their significant other when things felt too calm. My client couldn’t understand what was wrong with them and why they couldn’t just be happy when things were good. When I showed the client this list of trauma responses, they teared up in relief at simply understanding where this behavior came from. They felt so validated at understanding that they weren’t crazy; their nervous system simply prompted them to exhibit some of the “fight” behaviors to feel a sense of safety. This client grew up in a house with a lot of chaos, and periods of calm felt very uncomfortable to them. Their trauma response was to get the next fight over with so they wouldn’t be caught off guard and feel out of control. Their nervous system hadn’t yet learned how to be comfortable without the constant presence of chaos. This was a great opportunity for growth through counseling. And it was a great opportunity for the client to practice being kind and less critical of themself when they did lash out.
How did this client begin doing that? And how can you begin doing that? How can you begin to interrupt those nervous system responses and react to stress more productively? And how can you have love and compassion for yourself in the process? We’ll cover this in the next post!
